Tonight I Wanna Cry
by inufairiegirl
Summary: Based on Ketih Urban's song. Sesshomaru has been trained to be emotionless, to never show weakness. But how will Kagome's departure from his life affect him? ONESHOT  M for language


A/N: Right, so I thought I would never write a songfic...it just has never appealed to me, and then the other day I was listening to Keith Urban's Tonight I Wanna Cry, and all I could think of was the idea for this, so please, I encourage you all too check out the song before or while reading this. It just fits Sesshomaru too perfectly! Hope you all enjoy.

I do not own the characters or plots from Rumiko's Inuyasha series or the song Tonight I wanna cry, and make no profit from the writing of this (except hopefully reviews, which are better than profit!)

"Tonight I Wanna Cry"

The apartment was silent. It was strange. Until she was gone he had never noticed the little sounds she filled it with. The rustling of clothes as she walked past, running her hands through his hair as she went. The scrape of a pan as she cooked them dinner. The creak of floorboards as she ran herself a bath, or climbed into bed. All the innocent noises that his sharp demon hearing had picked up and filed away in the back of his brain as unimportant; non-threatening. But when she walked out, all of those sounds left with her. There was now only the drumming of his own heart and the clink as he poured himself another drink. The TV flickered with movement, but he had muted it long ago. He was, beyond doubt, alone now.

His eyes wandered over the walls of his flat, for the first time truly taking in the pictures that she had scattered throughout their home. His home. It was only his again now. Yet her smiling happy face shone down at him from all sides, her ebony black hair shining in rain and sunlight. His golden eyes darted from one to another and he realised he was in them all with her. Every picture was of the two of them, yet they couldn't have appeared more different. She grinned, laughed, smiled in every one, while his expression never changed, his seemingly bored stare piercing through the camera to intimidate the observer. He thought back to each day the pictures had been taken, and he could honestly say that it did not accurately show his mood. He was with her, his Kagome, and so he was happy. In every one he was happy to just be near her, but he never showed it.

As a demon lord he had been trained, countless hours spent honing his ability to give nothing away, to keep a strong front so no enemy could see weakness. Centuries had been spent alone, with a cold mask and his iron clad self-control to keep him safe, keep him strong. She had changed the alone. She had changed the cold, but nothing could make him give up his mask because she became his greatest weakness. If something had of happened to the young human miko that he loved his world would end. So he kept his cool facade and revealed just enough emotion to show her he cared, but it wasn't enough. That was what she had said, it wasn't enough.

_Flashback_

"How can you just stand there? This is what I mean. I am telling you I am leaving, I'm walking out this door because you seem incapable of loving me and you don't even CARE! Maybe it's not that you can't show you love me, maybe it's that in reality you just don't give a fuck Sesshomaru!"

He sighed, taking a step towards her.

"Kagome, calm down."

Her face was tinged with red, tears streaming down her cheeks but he knew her. The tears did not stem from sadness. She was angry. No, scratch that, she was livid. He knew all her little quirks, every hidden meaning behind her words and actions. They were all the things he loved about her, but she was right. He never told her so. Maybe he never showed her either.

"Don't you dare tell me to fucking calm down! Stop being a stuck-up, proud taiyoukai for once and show me you love me! Tell me you want me to stay. BEG!"

"This Sesshomaru will not beg, for anyone."

Her chin sharpened and she blinked away the tears and held her head high.

"Then this Kagome deserves more. This isn't enough."

And with that she was gone. Just...gone.

_End Flashback_

He considered turning on the radio, just so the overbearing silence would leave him alone but he couldn't. He knew all the channels it was tuned to, because she had done it. Her favourite were love songs, and if he was to hear them now it would be too much. Another glass of wine was finished and a new one poured. The empty bottles surrounding the chair he sat on showed just how long he had been sitting in the dark room. He couldn't sleep. His eyes closed and a movie started, of all the times they had been together. A slide show of memories from the last five years and now he thought back over them he realised his mistake. To show the world his weaknesses was foolish. But there was one person that he should have opened up to, should have shown his feelings too because she would never have used them against him. She would have protected his heart as she would her own. But he had closed himself off from even Kagome, unwilling to show his flaws before the one he had sworn to himself to protect and as a result he had lost the one person he had ever truly cared about, all because of his pride.

The glass slipped from his fingers the same moment the first tear fell. The wine he had drank and the pain of her leaving was all too much. He hadn't cried since his mother had died when he was fifteen summers old, and the next day his father had begun his training to lock those emotions somewhere deep within him, banish them to the point of no return. But Kagome had chipped away at the concrete walls that surrounded them, but it took her leaving him to break through. And so he wept. For the first time in over a thousand years the great taiyoukai Sesshomaru, Lord of the Western Lands of old Japan let his tears fall freely, unashamed of them because he cried for her. He had left it too late to realise that without her his life had no meaning anymore.

A sob wracked his body, the sound foreign and alien to his ears but it didn't stop the next one or the next. They were loud enough and his sorrow so deep that he didn't hear the click of a key in the door, nor the scrape as the young raven haired woman threw her bag on the kitchen table. She rounded the corner, eyes cast downwards and still trembling with anger as her voice bit out her excuse for returning.

"I left my phone. Don't let me distract you from your life of...Oh Sesshomaru..."

She was by his side in seconds, the anger melting from her body immediately. She held him as he clutched at her clothing, trying to grab at her hands so she couldn't walk away again.

"Kagome, please...please don't leave. I need you."

She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, her eyes filling with tears at his words. This was Sesshomaru, and for him to ask her to stay, to tell her she was needed in his life meant the world to her. It was what she had been missing in their life together, and if he would give it to her she would never leave his side.

"It's ok Sesshomaru, I'm right here."

_Alone in this house again tonight__  
><em>_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine__  
><em>_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me__  
><em>_The way that it was and could have been surrounds me__  
><em>_I'll never get over you walkin' away___

_(Chorus:)__  
><em>_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain__  
><em>_From my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry___

_Would it help if I turned a sad song on__  
><em>_"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone__  
><em>_Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters__  
><em>_It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better__  
><em>_But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way___

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain__  
><em>_From my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry___

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show__  
><em>_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control__  
><em>_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain__  
><em>_To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain__  
><em>_From my eyes__  
><em>_Tonight I wanna cry_

Hope you guys enjoyed. Please review :D

Love as always

Inufairgirl

xxxxxxxxxxxx


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